Magic Castle
by Kaelin P
Summary: There's a magic castle within every mind.
1. Chapter 1

**Magic Castle by Gaki**

_Just a little something that came to my head while listening to **As One - Magic Castle**. ^^; Random fluff? I think? ^^; _

_Hope you all enjoy. ^^v _

There once was a princess who lived in a castle. She wasn't special in any way. She wasn't the most beautiful or the most talented. She was just a princess who lived in a castle. Although one thing separated her from all other princesses in the land. She kept to herself. She didn't like to attend parties, birthdays or even a ball. No, she'd spend her time alone in her room, staring out the window. 

Years passed like this. She would ignore all suitors trying to get her attention. And as more years passed by, they stopped coming. Then people would start to talk about her behind her back. How she was so cold and aloof, ignoring people around her. Some say that she thinks of herself far too high for any suitor. Some said she was far too picky; it wasn't as if she were the last princess left.

Yet, she ignored all this. Not paying any heed to the servants of the castle. Only staying in her room day after day, looking out her window. Looking out as if she were waiting for someone to come. Someone far beyond the mountains that surrounded the kingdom. Someone who might be able to catch her attention and perhaps, take her away from this place. 

Years passed by. No one came. Ever so slowly, her health began to fade. She soon became so sick that she could no longer leave her room, or the chair she sat in every day. Servants would come to feed and cleanse her. They never tried to talk to her. She was going to die soon, they all whispered among each other. She was going to die. 

Three more years passed and the princess never left her seat beside the window. Her cheeks were soon hallow, her eyes dull and her skin a deathly pale color. Then the day came. Her eyes still looking out of her window in one of the tall towers, the princess let out a soft sigh. And as the sigh left her lips, a single tear fell from her eyes. She had waited all her life, looking out the window of her room, beyond the mountains of her kingdom for someone. She had sat in one place and waited her death, to die alone. 

Using what strength she had left, the princess lifted herself up from her chair and slowly made her way towards her bed. And as she laid down, her eyes slowly closing, a white dove flew into her room and landed on her chair. But the princess didn't notice this, for the moment her eyes were completely closed; she was already in a deep sleep. 

And no one knew of her death but the white dove sitting in her chair. No one knew until it was already too late. 

And even in her death, they still spoke of her. 

"She was a princess like no other," some would say. 

"She was a fool, sitting alone in her room for all those years." Others muttered. 

Only a few would ask themselves, "What was she waiting for?" 

* * *

He turned and looked over at his partner. Having no idea why the other suddenly told him a strange fairy tale, he raised an eyebrow. "Why did you tell me that?"

Warm amethyst smiled at him on the other side of the bench. Tsuzuki leaned back, crossing his arms behind his head as he glanced sideways at Hisoka. He continued with his little tale.

"Soon, that was the question everyone in the kingdom was asking. And no one knew the exact answer to it. Only the princess knew what she was waiting for."

A pause. Tsuzuki closed his eyes, and then opened them again. Gazing at the soft white puffs of clouds above, he spoke. 

"What do you think she was waiting for, Hisoka?"

The youth sitting beside him gave him a slight shrug. "A prince on a white horse?" It seemed like a good answer. Practically every fairy tale with princesses had a prince on a white horse. 

Tsuzuki smiled and shook his head, glancing at him again. "Nope. She wasn't waiting for a prince on a white horse."

Letting out a slightly annoyed sigh, Hisoka rolled his eyes. "Then what was she waiting for?"

Tsuzuki leaned back up, looking at the ground for awhile before he turned to look into Hisoka's eyes. The boy looked back, waiting for the answer so he could get back to his book. It wasn't as if he wanted to know what the foolish princess was waiting for, of course not. He just wanted to get back to his book. It was far more interesting than some fairy tale Tsuzuki thought up of on a whim. 

Tsuzuki spoke again, this time, his voice was softer. "The princess, you see, didn't live in an ordinary castle. She lived in a magic castle. A castle so high and big, that no one could ever get into."

"The servants were able to come in and out as they pleased." Hisoka pointed out. 

Tsuzuki shook his head. "Shh, lemme tell the story." He grinned at the glare that was directed his way. "It wasn't an ordinary castle, Hisoka." 

Crossing his arms, Hisoka raised an eyebrow. "What's so special about it?"

Tsuzuki stared at him for awhile until Hisoka began to shift slightly in his seat, becoming self conscience under the piercing violet eyes. He raised his hand, pressing a finger on Hisoka's forehead as he continued. 

"It was a magic castle inside her mind." His eyes soften slightly. "You see, Hisoka. What the princess wanted, wasn't a handsome prince on a white horse to come and rescue her. She didn't want a lord or a king either. She just wanted someone who can see into her and love her for who she is." His hand fell back into his lap as he spoke. 

There was a pregnant pause before Tsuzuki continued. 

"And she never found that person." 

He turned around in his seat, and gazed at the ground once again. A slight chuckle left his lips as he raised his head. "My sister used to tell me that story at night. I remember wanting to cry every time. 'Oneechan! It's so sad! Why didn't her special person find her?' I would say." His eyes became sober. "And she would hold me and tell me that not every story had a happy ending."

"The princess was an idiot," Hisoka muttered.

Tsuzuki looked over at his partner. "Why is that?"

Giving a snort like sniff, Hisoka turned his face away, glaring at nothing. "All those suitors who tried to win her hand, one of them could've been the one. Yet she pushed them all away. It was her own fault that she died alone."

Tsuzuki frowned. "Hisoka, you're so mean." He then smiled and leaned in close, staring into the boy's eyes. "Ne, Hisoka?"

Blinking owlishly at his partner and trying to fight down a blush, Hisoka leaned back. "What?"

Tsuzuki grinned, his voice teasing. "If someone tried to win your hand, would _you_ push them away like the princess?"

Face flushing a bright red color, Hisoka sputtered. "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, YOU IDIOT?!"

"OUCH! You don't have to hit me! I was just teasing!"

"Shut up! I'm trying to read!" 

"You're so meaaaaan!" 

"I said, shut up!!" 

"OUCH!" 

**_"Ne, Hisoka? If someone tried to win your hand, would _**you**_ push them away like the princess?"_**

Pausing half way down the page of his book, Hisoka stared at nothing. Crouching down beside a nearby tree, Tsuzuki was currently sniffing and muttering to himself at how mistreated he was. Glancing at the older shinigami from the corner of his eyes, Hisoka frowned slightly.

"Idiot." 

_I don't know… _


	2. Chapter 2

**Magic Castle by Gaki**

_Ahh, since there were a couple who wanted me to write the next part of this fic, I gave in. ^^v _

_And yes ^^;; I did make up that silly princess fairy tale. ^^; It's horrible, I know XD but I needed a fairy tale for Tsuzuki to tell and well, I made one up XDD _

_Oh yea, and I used Mother instead of 'Okaasama' because adding that in didn't seem to fit. Plus Mother is as respectful as 'Okaasama'. _

_Okay, without delaying you all any longer. Here's the next part! And I'm not sure if there'll be a Chapter 3 or not but I'll think about it ^^v _

_It's going to snow. _The man beside him thought as he picked up his pace, in a hurry to go home to a warm house with a fireplace where he can sit down in a couch with his wife and kids.

He stopped in his tracks, leaning his head back to watch the thick grey clouds above. _It's going to snow._ The women holding tightly onto her daughter's hand thought as she pulled her coat tighter around herself to keep her soft round body warm from the cold weather. The little girl giggled in delight. _It's going to snow!_ He stood there in the mist of the crowded streets, his jacket not even thick enough to keep him warm and yet he didn't care. He continued to look up at the sky as if daring the snow to come falling down in all it's glory. As if daring to see if the people around him - _It's going to snow. It's going to snow!_ - were correct.

He looked away, continuing on his way, his jacket still partly open revealing a sweater underneath. There was a strange comfort he took in cold weather like this. He could spend his time at home, wrapped up in a warm blanket with a cup of hot chocolate in hand. He didn't drink the hot chocolate, it was just something about the warm smell of the melted chocolate that soothed him. Made he feel at ease and relaxed. It was like being pulled into a warm comforting hug that smelled of spices that played with his senses and made him wanted to fall asleep while sitting beside the window. 

Of course, it was also this kind of weather that made him brood even more. Turning his face down, making sure not to bump into any of the passing crowd around him, Hisoka made his way out of the sidewalk and towards a nearby park. He watched his snow covered boots as cement slowly turned to wet dirt and grass. _Crunch, crunch, CRACK._ He'd step on something, probably an acorn nut or maybe a lose batch of dirt. Certainly nothing important that needed to be looked over. People stepped on things when they walk. It was just the way things were. Raising his head, he found that he'd made his way back to the same bench from a few days before. 

The same bench he'd sat in when Tsuzuki had told him the story about the foolish princess. 

Making his way slowly towards the bench, he cringed a bit when he felt wetness soak through his jeans as he sat down. Glancing sideways at the spot where the older shinigami had sat in, he frowned. He still didn't know why Tsuzuki had told him that story. Didn't know why Tsuzuki would bother sharing something that he obviously treasured to someone like him. It wasn't as if he didn't read fairy tales, it was just he never had a fairy tale being told _to_ him before.

Mother had said that telling him stories about princesses and princes weren't worth his time. He was the next in the Kurosaki line, it didn't seem fit to tell him stories he didn't need to know. Fairy tales that would only make him sit far off in a corner and day dream. He didn't have a normal childhood, right from the start. His Father, even though he was affectionate at times, seemed to hold back. It was as if there was a wall around him that he couldn't get through. He was allowed to look, to watch and be awed. 

But he was never allowed to touch. 

His Mother. His Mother was a different story. She would hold him, she would smile and she would bring him warm tea to drink in the cold mornings. He remembered her smiles. He loved it, when she smiled. She would look like a princess, he thought, from a fairy tale he'd hear from the village children as they'd run by the gates. Her eyes would sparkle, just slightly and her lips were pressed together gently, curved upwards at the corner. It was a polite smile. 

_"Mother?" He had to make sure he didn't speak too loudly or too quietly. It wasn't proper for the heir of the Kurosaki line to look and sound weak. He walked slowly, remembering her soft words, not scolding, just telling him, and teaching him, the proper way for a man to walk around. Head held high- "Not too high, Hisoka, you don't want to look condescending." - shoulders held back and his spine straight. "Mother?"_

_She was sitting in the tea room, her fan in hand. It was in the middle of summer, he hated the heat. It made him feel sleepy and tired all the time. He didn't like sleeping too much, he wanted to stay awake and watch his father and mother and listen to the children beyond the gates. He wanted to play with them, surely it would be so fun if he could just play with them once, but his Mother had said no and that was that. Walking up slowly to her side, he sat down; legs tucked in neatly underneath him and turned towards her, his eyes wide and imploring. _

_"Mother?"_

_"Hm?" She said. Her voice was soft. He loved listening to her voice; especially when she would hum softly to him at night. He loved falling asleep with his Mother humming something he couldn't make out but was beautiful anyway because it was from his Mother and anything from his Mother was wonderful. "What is it?"_

_He resisted the urge to gnaw on his lower lip; it wasn't a proper thing to do. It showed your weakness. It wasn't something a Kurosaki would do. "Mother," he started, moving slightly closer to her, resting his small hands on her lap, "tell me about the Princess of Bamboos?"_

_The hand holding the fan and waving it slowly back and forth stopped moving. His Mother turned her head and gazed down at him, and even though her eyes were gentle and soft, he could feel disapproval in them. He lowered his head, pulling his hands away and resting them instead on his own lap. "I heard the children outside the gates talking about the Princess of Bamboos."_

_He looked up at her from under his hair to find that she was still looking at him. The hand holding the fan went back to waving it slowly back at forth as her lips pressed together in a gentle smile. She raised her other hand, the one resting in her lap and touched his cheek softly. _

_"They are nothing but foolish stories, Hisoka. They are not worth your time." _

_And so he didn't ask her to tell him about Tanabata, the two lovers torn apart by the gods and were only able to meet once a year, or about Momotaro, the boy who was born from a peach, or about The Crab and the Monkey._

And it was a smile he treasured more than anything. 

He treasured it because after a certain time, she never smiled at him ever again. He didn't know why, but his Mother started to grow further and further away from him. The smiles faded, the warm arms that would wrap around him became empty spaces and the warm tea stopped coming. And it all happened when the voices started coming. Softly at first, like a ghost of a whisper. Then slowly, ever so slowly, they would become louder. 

At first, he thought they were his own voices but after a short time he knew they didn't belong to him. And he became frightened as any child would when they hear voices not their own in their head. He became frightened and he asked, he asked questions. 

_"Why do I hear voices in my head?"_

But nobody would answer him. Instead they would stare and turn away, whispering amongst themselves even as they were whispering in their heads about him. And he was left standing there in the dark with shadows all around him whispering about him and he could hear everything. Everything that left the lips of the shadows was loud and hurtful in his ears. He couldn't run to his Mother because she was no longer there. 

_"Your Mother isn't feeling well, Hisoka. Leave her alone for now."_

And so he would go to his Father. He would ask his Father and sometimes his Father would answer and sometimes his Father wouldn't. But it was better than nothing. Even if his Father never looked at him in the face. 

_He was standing in the empty room with his Father sitting in front of him. He was staring at his Father's back. Tall and strong, even in the way he sat he could tell his Father was a proud man. But his back looked so straight that it seemed as if it would break apart any minute. Any minute now. So he stood there in the semi dark room, staring at his Father's back and he was trying to find the right words to ask a question and wonder if his Father would answer or if he was going to be ignored again. _

_"They say I'm different." He began. "'m not normal. That I'm strange." It was a statement. A statement that was a question at the same time._

_There was a silence. It always took time for his Father to answer. His words were never rushed when he spoke and when he spoke his voice demanded attention. Such a strong man his Father was. He wanted to be just like his Father. Just like his Father…_

_"Yes," Muttered the deep voice that made him feel small. "you are different."_

_He lowered his head, staring down at his bare feet._

_"You are different. You are strange, Hisoka."_

_And he wanted to be just like his Father…_

"Hisoka! There you are!" 

He didn't have to turn and look to find out who it was. It was Tsuzuki, who else would go looking for him in this kind of weather? Only an idiot would. He wanted to glare. So he did. 

Tsuzuki came running up to him, his face flushed a bright pink color, and a thick warm looking scarf was thrown carelessly around his neck as he grinned down at Hisoka. 

Only an idiot like Tsuzuki could grin at a glare from Hisoka.

"I couldn't find you at your house and went around looking for you. I didn't think you'd go to the park." Tsuzuki casually sat himself right next to Hisoka, as if it was something he was supposed to do. If Hisoka was sitting in a chair, then Tsuzuki would take up space in the one next to it. If Hisoka decided to stand, then Tsuzuki would stand beside him. 

He didn't want to admit it, even to himself, that it was comforting. To see someone so comfortable around him that they would sit right next to him without wanting to flinch away. But his expression remained the same. A glare, a questioning glare that asked, _"Here I am. What do you want? Idiot."_ The last part was a written all over his face. It was a word that would so easily escape his lips whenever he thought about the older man that he started to wonder if he still thought of Tsuzuki as an idiot. 

Still smiling, Tsuzuki came up close to Hisoka, leaning over the younger boy, his hand moving to his trench coat. "I have something for you," he said, his voice slightly teasing. Saying, _"Ask me what it is! Ask me, Hisoka!"_

So Hisoka sighed, glad that the cold weather had already made his cheeks red but he hoped Tsuzuki wouldn't notice his blushing nonetheless. "What is it?"

Tsuzuki's grin widen, if it were possible. Pulling his hand from his coat, Tsuzuki produced a soft looking plush bear wearing a rich deep color red Santa suit. The little red Santa hat was sewed into the side, covering one ear while leaving the other naked. In the bear's right hand, clutched tightly in the paw and super glued to the paw itself was a dark velvet bag that was tied around the top by a golden colored string. The words _Merry Christmas!_ was hand sewed into place on the belly of the bag as a few presents were also super glued to its side, showing that the bear was carrying far too many presents. 

"For you."

Surprise wasn't the correct word to describe the look on Hisoka's face. Shocked wasn't quite it either. It was someone between Touched and Startled. The look on his face asked loudly, _"You brought this for me? You ran all the way here, in the cold weather, from my house where you couldn't find me to Enma knows where and finally **here** to give me **this** bear?"_ And the look on Tsuzuki's smiling face was far too easy to read. It was the look that he always gave Hisoka whenever he did something for him, whether or not he was asked to. _"For you."_

It was strange that sometimes they didn't need to speak to understand each other. 

Lifting his hand slowly, Hisoka reached out and took the bear from Tsuzuki's gloved hand. His face was burning hot, from embarrassment and something more. Unable to look at Tsuzuki in the eye anymore, he held the bear in his lap, his fingers touching the face, then the hat and then tugging at the glued presents. He didn't need to say _"Thank you."_ to Tsuzuki. It was already written in his body language. The way his tensed shoulders relaxed, the way his brows were no longer touching or arched, the way the corner of his mouth was now smooth. His entire body whispered a soft _"Thank you."_ and that was all Tsuzuki needed. 

They sat in a comfortable silence for awhile. Hisoka still unable to raise his head to look at Tsuzuki and Tsuzuki unable to take the stupid grin off his face. He looked as if he'd won a grand prize. _It's going to snow soon._ An old man passing by thought as he looked up towards the pregnant clouds. Hisoka raised his head slightly and watched as the old man coughed into his gloved hands and pulled his jacket closer to his frail body. He shivered a little, just a little bit as he bit the inside of his cheek. 

"Cold?" Asked the voice at his side.

He shook his head. "Not really."

Again came the comfortable silence. Glancing at Tsuzuki from underneath his hair at the corner of his eyes, Hisoka muttered quietly. "Tsuzuki."

Turning his smiling eyes away from the children playing snowballs, Tsuzuki looked back at Hisoka. "Hm?"

Looking down at the bear, still unable to look directly into Tsuzuki's eyes, Hisoka felt his face burn hotter. "That," he started then his voice cracked. Blushing even more, he waited awhile before starting again. "That fairy tale, about the princess, you told me yesterday."

Tsuzuki grinned, enjoying, but keeping the thoughts to himself, seeing Hisoka stumble over his words for once. "What about it?"

"When you asked me, if I'd push people away if they," Hisoka continued, poking the bear's beady black eye, "asked for my hand."

"Mmhmm." Really, Hisoka can be so cute sometimes. He grinned even wider. 

"Well," Hisoka went on, ignoring his burning face and ears. "if… If someone tried to win _your_ hand, would _you_ push them away?" 

Hisoka's body tensed up instantly, as if it took all his will power to ask that one simple question Tsuzuki so easily asked him with a smiling face. Watching his younger partner squirm for a few more minutes, Tsuzuki sat straight up. He couldn't stop grinning, it was just **so** easy to smile around Hisoka. Even if all he did was glare. Even if all he did was call him an idiot. Pressing a finger to his lips, Tsuzuki pretended to think. 

Finding the bear more than interesting now, Hisoka tugged at the string, as if wondering if he could open it and look inside like a greedy little child. He didn't notice Tsuzuki taking his scarf off from around his neck. He didn't notice Tsuzuki moving slightly closer until he felt hands on his shoulder, turning him around to face the older shinigami. He raised his head, looking into Tsuzuki's eyes for the first time since he'd received the bear. Violet sparkled with amusement down at him as Tsuzuki wrapped the scarf around his neck. 

It was soft; like holding a new born puppy against your face and letting it nuzzle into your neck as you closed your eyes and fought against the feeling of wanting to sleep. Tsuzuki continued to smile, although this time it was softer, a gentle look spreading itself on his face as he sat back and took in the image of Hisoka wrapped up in his scarf. And the scarf smelled nicely of Tsuzuki. And Tsuzuki smelled wonderfully of sweets. Of apple pies, cinnamon and chocolate cakes. Of soft powered sugar and sweet sticky buns and cheesecake. Hisoka fought against the sudden urge to close his eyes and breathed in the smell. 

It comforted him. Like the smell of hot chocolate, Tsuzuki's scent comforted him in ways he didn't understand. It made him want to curl up with a book in his lap and just fall asleep without reading a single page of it. They fell into another silence. Tsuzuki hadn't told him his answer, Hisoka knew. But in another way, he did. He answered it when he took off his scarf and wrapped it around Hisoka's neck. He answered it when he sat back and smiled that smile only Tsuzuki could smile. And Hisoka continued to play with the bear, still unable to look into warm violets as he played the answer over and over again in his head. 

"It's going to snow," Tsuzuki whispered softly. 

And it began to snow. 

**_"If someone tried to win _**your**_ hand, would _**you**_ push them away?" _**

_**No. **_


	3. Chapter 3

**Magic Castle by Gaki**

_Final chapter! ^^v I'd like to thank all the **nice pretty** reviewers. You all have brought a big smile to my face with your nice comments. ^^v *ureshi da yo!* _

_This story was a 'spur of the moment meant to be a one-shot fic' but somehow it grew into 3 chapters long and it was all thanks to you all for inspiring me ^^v so, think of this story as a Christmas gift to ya! ^^d_

_Well I wish it could be Christmas everyday   
When the kids start singin' and the band begins to play   
Oh I wish it could be Christmas everyday   
Let the bells ring out for Christmas   
**I wish it could be Christmas everyday** by **Wizzard**_

One way or another, Tsuzuki had somehow convinced him into going shopping for lights and a Christmas tree. Not only that, but he'd cornered him into putting up Christmas lights and decorations at his house. It wasn't as if he hated the holiday, he just didn't see the use of it. Christmas, in his eyes, was just an excuse for people who are anything but nice and good during the year to get things they don't deserve. People used it as an excuse to get something without looking like a brat for wanting it. Christmas was also a well disguised lie adults used to lure children into good behavior. _Don't be a brat or Santa will give you a coal; Remember, if you're a good boy this year, Santa will get you want you've always wanted; Don't make me tell Santa you've been naughty all year_. 

Looking down at the tinsel in his hand, Hisoka mused that Christmas isn't just what people made it up to be. _You'd think a so called special holiday like this one would mean more than just handing out presents and telling lies to children_. 

"But it is, Hisoka!" Tsuzuki said as he looked at Hisoka from behind the Christmas tree.

Blushing slightly, Hisoka hunched his shoulders, embarrassed to be caught speaking out loud. Ignoring the blush on Hisoka's face, Tsuzuki went on as he busily placed clear and white ornaments on random branches. 

"Christmas is **more** than just giving out presents. It's spending time with those you care about. It's going home for the holidays and surrounding yourself with family members. It's sitting back on the couch and laughing at stories of your childhood. It's," Tsuzuki paused, looking down at a little angel in his hands as he thought. 

The little ornament had blonde hair, as all angels seem to have that color hair, and small wings that seemed almost too tiny to be able to lift it's body up into the air. The angel was dressed in nothing but a simple cloth that wrapped around it's round body with a golden string tied around it's waist. In it's tiny delicate hands was a single star. The cherub seemed like it was on it's way to place the star into the night sky. He lifted it up higher, staring into it's soft blue eyes before placing it on a high branch; helping the angel in it's journey to put the star back in it's place. 

Tsuzuki let his hands fall to his side as he gazed at the ornament a bit longer. "Christmas," he started again, "is like your bed. Only… only you've been away from it for a very long time and you've almost forgotten what it feels like to sleep in it. It's like going home from a long hard day of work and all you want to do is to just sleep in that bed but you can't because it's not there. And so you wait, you wait for the bed but sometimes you can't wait any longer and you cry. You cry because you miss it, because it was so soft and so comfortable and you're afraid that you won't ever see it again. And once you do see it again, it's like having your most desired wish come true. It's there, in front of you. And you laugh and cheer and run and jump into it. And when you pull the thick covers over yourself as you close your eyes, you think to yourself. 'This is home. This is where I belong.'"

There was a short silence as Tsuzuki smiled almost wistfully before turning around to grin at Hisoka. 

"Sometimes, I wish it were Christmas everyday."

"Idiot," Hisoka muttered, his back still facing Tsuzuki. "Christmas isn't like a bed."

A soft chuckle, one that said, _I know you'd say that but it's okay because you listened to me. I like it when you listen to me_. He frowned down at the same tinsel in his hand as he heard Tsuzuki speak again. "I know, but it feels like that to me."

Sniffing a little, rubbing his cold nose, Hisoka muttered again. "And having Christmas everyday wouldn't make Tatsumi-san very happy."

Tsuzuki laughed, rubbing the back of his head. "I guess not." He then pouted. "Tatsumi's no fun. All he thinks about is work, work and reminding me about my bills! Sometimes I think he likes doing that."

"Idiot." Was all Hisoka said. He then frowned again as he thought about the blue eyed shinigami. _Tsuzuki should be putting Christmas lights up with Tatsumi-san, not me. I'm just ruining the mood for him. Tatsumi-san would've smiled and baked something for him, like apple pie or something._ Bending the tinsel in his hands, Hisoka fought back the urge to gnaw on his lower lip. "Tsuzuki?"

Untangling himself from the lights, Tsuzuki looked owlishly up at Hisoka from his place on the floor. "Hmm?"

Raising his head, Hisoka stared at the white lights along the frame of his window as he spoke. "Why didn't you go to Tatsumi-san's place with them?" He lowered his gaze. "They're probably singing karaoke at this moment, you know."

"Why?" Tsuzuki asked, unwilling to lose to a couple of wires as he struggled to free his long legs from the Christmas lights.

"There's nothing here." _No Christmas carols. No sake. No laughter. Just… dead silence._ "You'd have more fun with them." _Stuffing your face with Watari-san. Singing with Kachou. Smiling with Tatsumi-san. Even a fight with Terazuma-san is better than this…_

There was nothing here in his home but what little furniture he thought was necessary. His house was sparsely decorated. A plant or two in a corner, a couple of pots sitting on the stove, barely used. An old looking couch that looked as if it needed to be thrown away, but he kept it because it was comfortable. It was right up against the wall, the large window of the outside world right next to it. The space that was left was currently taken up by the boxes of newly bought Christmas ornaments and decorations. The Christmas tree wasn't large or tall, it was a moderate size, fitting perfectly in the little empty corner of the room. The only other rooms in his house were the bathroom and his own room, which was also mostly empty.

He never was a person who bought things for just because. He only bought things if he really needed them, like a new heater and air conditioner for example. He had been meaning to get a new one but there was always something he had to get done. 

"There's nothing here," he muttered quietly.

Tsuzuki shrugged, although he didn't see it, as he finally freed himself from the cords. "You're here." He said simply.

It was such a simple answer, yet it was always the simple things that Tsuzuki did that hit him the hardest. Like giving Hisoka his umbrella when the boy forgot to bring his own. Or placing a hand on his forehead to make sure he wasn't sick. Or offering Hisoka his hand in the darkness of the night when he was too afraid to move on his own. It was the simple things that made his chest tight and his throat thick. He didn't know why those words affected him as much as they did. Didn't know why he felt relieved that Tsuzuki had said that. Somewhere deep inside of him, he heard himself cheer gleefully. _He's here because of me!_ The little voice cheered. _He doesn't care about drinking, singing or even about apple pies! He staying here because of me! **Me**! _

_Me…_

And then he felt like crying. Blinking rapidly, glaring down at the floor, he rubbed his face angrily. Why did he feel like crying all of a sudden? Why had that answer touched him more than it should have? Why was he being so childish, wanting to cry over something so stupid? And why would Tsuzuki want to stay here because of him? He didn't even understand Christmas. He didn't even know the meaning of Christmas. He could see it all around him; in the laughter of young children, the big grins from adults, the blaring music from the stores and the innocent white of the snowflakes. But he didn't _understand_ it. He was like a person watching a sport event for the first time. He could hear the cheer of the crowd, he could **see** it, yet he didn't feel it. He didn't feel the joy when the home team scores a goal. He didn't feel the excitement of a child looking through the window of a store at a toy train. He didn't understand Christmas because he never celebrated Christmas in the first place. 

He didn't know anything that had to do with Christmas. He didn't even understand the simple games.

_He was standing in the front garden, listening to the children beyond the gates laugh and giggle as they played a game. A snowball fight, which was what it was called. A… snowball fight. He wanted desperately to watch, to somehow be able to look over the high walls and watch them play their little game. It was okay if he couldn't play with them, even if he did want to. All he wanted to do was watch._

_But all he could do was stand on his tiptoe and listen to their loud cheerful giggles and laughter. They sound as if they were really enjoying themselves. He wanted to join in too. He wanted to be part of the laughter, not just hearing it. Frowning, he walked towards the old wooden doors of the gate and pressed his ear against it. _

_The voices were fading, as if they were getting further and further away. He pressed down the urge to cry out to them. To tell them to stop, to not go any further and come closer. Closer so he can listen to them play. But he couldn't because it would attract attention from the household and he would be scolded. As the voice faded and became nothing but his breathing, he felt his heart sink. _

_He wanted them to stay, those children. They were his companion and yet at the same time they weren't. To be a companion with someone, you first have to know them. He didn't know them. He only observed them, and even that wasn't true. He was like a caged bird, allowed out in the open but never allowed to fly away from home._

_A feeling of complete loneliness embedded itself in his chest as he pressed his ear closer still against the wood. As if thinking that if he pressed hard enough, he could make out their laughter from the distance. He wanted them to come back, to have a snowball fight where he could hear them and listen to their laughter._

_"Hisoka?"_

_He jumped slightly before turning around to face his Mother._

He must've sniffed rather loudly because when Tsuzuki spoke up once again, his voice was full of concern. 

"Hisoka? Are you okay?"

There was no use lying to Tsuzuki when the older man was worried. He can be so persistent at times. Yet, it touched him that someone would care so much that they would keep asking him the same question over and over again just to make sure if he was alright. Even if it did annoy him at times. 

"Why?" 

"What was that?" 

"Why?" he asked again, this time a bit louder. 

"Why what?" 

Tsuzuki was making it so difficult for him. He didn't want to ask, he didn't want to seem weak. But he needed to know, he **had** to know. He wanted to know the answer like how he had wanted to know how to make a snow angel. Yet he was afraid of the answer he would get. Afraid that it would turn out like the snow angel he'd made so many years ago.

_"No no, you're doing it all wrong!" _

_They were back again. Sometimes he wondered if they knew he was there. That within their group, they had an extra that didn't speak, didn't even tag along but was still there. Listening eagerly to their every word. Wanting to smile and laugh when they did but wasn't allowed to do so for fear of being found out and never be allowed to listen to them again. _

_He pressed his ear closer to the thick old door, wanting to hear the directions on how to make a snow angel. He didn't know what it was, but it sounded so beautiful. A snow angel! Imagine that! An angel made out of snow! Surely it would be so wonderful! Maybe he could even show it to his Mother. Maybe she'd let him play with them after she sees the snow angel. _

_"Okay, first, you need to find a nice place covered in snow like… here!"_

_Pushing away from the door, he looked around almost frantically. 'Wait! Wait!' he wanted to shout out loud. 'Wait for me!' Glancing around the front garden, he tried to find a nice spot with snow. Spotting a place near a large grouping of rocks, he quickly ran over and waited for further instructions. _

_"Now, lie down on your back and start moving your arms and legs up and down. After you finished, stand up and you've got yourself a snow angel! See! It's so easy!"_

_He stared at the ground for awhile. His breath was coming out in white puffs and he was shivering slightly but the demanding urge to make a snow angel, to actually be able to do something that the children were doing, was too strong for him to resist. Giving in, he laid down on his back, shivering from the wet ground as it soaked into his too thin clothing, and began to move his arms and legs up and down as instructed. He could feel rocks and pebbles digging into his back and as he stood back up, he could still feel a few of them clinging onto his clothing. _

_"Isn't it pretty?"_

_A snow angel was thing made from pure white snow. The angel he was currently looking down at was anything but a snow angel. What little snow he had laid down on, was swept away by his arms and legs, showing the ugly wet bare ground underneath. The wings of the angel weren't made of snow. It consisted of rocks, pebbles and broken twigs. There wasn't a trace of snow on his snow angel. _

_He lowered his head, ignoring the icy cold as the wind blew around him. _

_"Wow, it's so beautiful! Let's make another one!" _

_Staring down at the ground, he mused that his angel wasn't made of snow. _

_It was made of dirt. _

"Hisoka?" Tsuzuki's voice broke the silence as he stood up, facing Hisoka's back. 

**_"What do you think she was waiting for, Hisoka?" _**

He couldn't ask. Staring back down at the tinsel, he found that he didn't want to know the answer anymore. He'll just accept the answer Tsuzuki had said earlier as the reason why. Perhaps if he repeated it enough in his head, he'll come to believe it. That Tsuzuki would spend his Christmas with someone like him. That even though he didn't understand Christmas, even if he'd never celebrate it before, Tsuzuki was here because of **him** and no other reason. 

**_"A prince on a white horse?"_**

He could see the slight pouting on Tsuzuki's face without even needing to turn around. "I have to have a reason to spend Christmas with you, Hisoka?"

He didn't answer. Ashamed because that was exactly what he was thinking. There had to be a reason why people would willingly be near him. No one had wanted to be near him before. It was as if a touch from him was like being touched by something pure evil. He frowned, twisting the tinsel even more. 

"… It's just…"

"Hisoka," a hand fell onto his shoulder, shaking him a bit as he looked up to see Tsuzuki smiling down at him. "Didn't you hear a word I said earlier?"

He blinked. 

**_"Nope. She wasn't waiting for a prince on a white horse."_**

Tsuzuki grinned and winked down at him before phrasing himself. "'Christmas is **more** than just giving out presents. It's spending time with those you care about.'" He ruffled Hisoka's hair, smiling. "Besides, this is your first Christmas, right?"

Green eyes widen slightly in surprise. It confused him how Tsuzuki could understand him so easily when he himself was having a hard time understanding _him_. 

**_"She just wanted someone who can see into her and love her for who she is."_**

Tsuzuki grinned, taking his silence as his answer. He held up his hand and within his grasp was a crystal clear star ready to be placed upon the little Christmas tree in his living room. 

"Almost finished, Hisoka. Here, you put up the star."

They were seated on the couch now, a cup of hot chocolate in their hands as they watched the soft sparkle of the white lights on the Christmas tree. Outside, the snow had begun to fall slowly, looking like soft little fairies floating around. The room was filled with the warm smell of the melted chocolate drink. A blanket was spread out on their laps as they basked in the wonderful feeling of peacefulness. His senses were tingling. He was surrounded by so much warmth that he felt like he could sleep through the whole night. Around him were such soothing smells. The hot chocolate in his hands, the fresh pine of the Christmas tree and somewhere underneath all those smells was the faint but distinct scent that belonged to Tsuzuki alone. 

He must've dosed off briefly for when he opened his eyes again, his hands were empty and he was currently leaning against Tsuzuki's shoulder. The older man didn't seem to mind one bit, in fact he rested his arm behind the sofa so Hisoka could curl into him more. It didn't surprise him that he didn't pull away instantly, blushing and sputtering at the older man. He instead closed his eyes and let out a soft sigh. He could smell Tsuzuki more clearly now. Tsuzuki was big and soft and warm all around him. Cinnamon buns and powered sugar surrounded him and he did nothing but letting himself sink into it more. 

It was so warm and he was suddenly so sleepy.

**_"It's there, in front of you. And you laugh and cheer and run and jump into it. And when you pull the thick covers over yourself as you close your eyes, you think to yourself. 'This is home. This is where I belong."_**

"Tsuzuki," he muttered softly.

When Tsuzuki answered, his deep voice rumbled in his chest, making Hisoka close his eyes at the sound. 

"Hmm?"

There was a faint blush on his cheeks as he went on. "About the question. If I'd push people away or not…"

There was a soft chuckle that vibrated deeply in the chest Hisoka's cheek was resting against. It made him feel so sleepy. "I know, Hisoka."

He closed his eyes for awhile, listening to the deep beating of Tsuzuki's heart. Letting the constant drumming lull him into sleep.

**_"Sometimes, I wish it were Christmas everyday."_**

"Tsuzuki."

"Yes, Hisoka?"

A pleasant pause before the boy's soft voice spoke out again.

"… I wish it were Christmas everyday, too." 

And Tsuzuki smiled. 

_Well I wish it could be Christmas everyday   
When the kids start singin' and the band begins to play   
Oh I wish it could be Christmas everyday   
Let the bells ring out for Christmas _

_Why don't you give your love, it's Christmas _

**End**


End file.
